The Wings of Love

Where am I?
I am surrounded by sky
I pushed my feet off the ground
Pursuing my dream to fly

I am here
In this place without fear
Where hope and love reign
And my path is oh, so clear!

Come to this place
Of freedom and grace
It would do you well
I can tell by the dispair on your face

And I'll speak love to you
And I'll speak kindness too
To heal your hurting heart
And let the "living" start

And we will fly so free
With nothing beyond reach
For love can conquer all
And catch all those who fall

©Danielle Alyse Stephan,  2014

Running Ahead...

Rushing. I am always rushing. Not in the sense that I find myself speeding through everything I do on a day to day basis... not always, at least. Rather, I've found myself running ahead of God again! I'm like a toddler who is so overjoyed with the fact that I can run and the pleasure I find in the speed that I don't pay attention to where I'm going! I find myself running about, trying to find loop holes to get what I want when I know full well that the Lord will provide in his own time. And, while I tend to do this with many things, I am specifically trying to put the brakes on again mid-sprint in regards to dating. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that I'm supposed to go back to my dating sabbatical. I just needn't preoccupy myself with finding romantic companionship. A dating site I was using quotes Psalm 37: 4 as it's motto: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." I love that verse, but I think for my purposes, it doesn't apply to on-line dating. I took it for granted at first that being a Christian automatically meant I was delighting myself in the Lord and, therefore, if I sought after what I wanted in a godly way (aka via a Christian dating site), it would be given to me this time. The problem was that I had no idea what "delight in the Lord" actually meant. I found this in the Barnes' Bible commentary:

The meaning here is, that we should seek our happiness in God - in his being, his perfections, his friendship, his love.And he shall give thee the desires of thine heart - literally, the "askings," or the "requests" of thy heart. What you really "desire" will be granted to you. That is,
(a) the fact that you seek your happiness in him will regulate your desires, so that you will be "disposed" to ask only those things which it will be proper for him to grant; and
(b) the fact that you do find your happiness in him will be a reason why he will grant your desires.

See, the trouble with using just this one verse it that it totally leaves out the greater meaning of that text... 
4Delight yourself in the LORD;

         And He will give you the desires of your heart.

5Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

6He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
         And your judgment as the noonday.

7Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;

What I get out of this text is completely different than that dating website's interpretation.  The while text in context suggests patience and trusting that God has perfect timing. Is it the easy answer most people want?  Nope.  Is it the easy answer little impatient me wants?  Not right now!  But I know that if I just wait on my Father in Heaven,  that His timing is perfect.  And,  honestly , I'm willing to wait to experience a "match made in heaven." :)

Hatred and Healing...

I've recently come to a realization: I hate someone. A very specific someone. A man who hurt me several years ago in many ways--hurt me so badly that I am still healing (and perhaps now just starting to deal with a considerably larger portion of the pain than before). I'm not going to talk about him and what he did to hurt me so deeply, but I have been struggling with this idea that I hate someone. As a Christian (and a person who desires to be an emotionally healthy being in general), I understand that hating someone is damaging to myself emotionally and mentally in the long term. Hate is something scripture tells us not to do.  There are no advantages spiritually,  emotionally,  or psychology to my hating of this man…  I just do. There is no logic that can talk me out of it. Where do I go with that as a person who wants to be able to share the message of hope and freedom that love brings?  How can I be such a hypocrite?  This is something I am struggling with and I don't really have an answer.  I guess I just hope that my desire to end the hate (though not necessarily all the anger,  for some of that anger could be termed a "righteous anger!") is a step in the right direction toward healing and letting go…

Upon a Night I Couldn't Sleep...

I'm exhausted, but my mind is busy thinking and won't "wind down" for the night yet, so I've decided to put this to good use and blog.
In September, I wrote about my desires to be in a romantic relationship. In December, I finally got fed up with chasing after a relationship that I thought I wanted and realized wasn't what God wanted for me. So I asked God to take away my "need" (or, rather, my nagging desire) to be in a romantic relationship. I asked Him to help me be happy with where HE has me right now.

Photo by Dani Stephan

Last week I realized something when I was writing to a friend... God DID it! I'm there in that satisfied place in life. While society has no problem trying to shove the idea down my throat that I need to be coupled up with someone to be happy, I am truly happy and single! Even better than being happy, I am full of JOY and contentment. I know that I am completely where God wants me to be and doing what He has planned for me right now. I am so excited about that! I can't even begin to describe how at peace I am about it. Oh, I'm still stressed with school and my crazy schedule and such, but I'm not worried about my relationships or where God is going to take me later in life.
Also, remember what I wrote in July? I felt I had entered a time of "wandering" through a personal "wilderness." My heart was hurting, I was lonely, and I lacked a connection to community. In less than 6 months, because I listened to the Lord and got involved in my communities (scholastic, spiritual, and local), my life is SO incredibly full! I am now in a situation where I regularly get to give God's and my love to people AND I get love back. I have found true friendships and had time to create new ones. I am fully trusting Him with both my short and long term future and enjoying the people He has put in my life right now. It feels amazing to be able to give everything to Him and take (and enjoy!) each day as it comes.
God has truly transformed my wilderness! All I can say is "wow, God... Wow." :)

All These Stars...

Going through some of my old poetry today, I stumbled upon a poem I wrote back in November of 2004 titled "Dark Side of the Moon." I being 19 at the time, most of my poetry was written about one of two things--struggling with clinical depression and/or a guy. This one poem was bit about both and I ended the last verse with the idea that I was "living on the dark side of the moon." It isn't a very good poem, but there are three lines that stick with me and occasionally pop into my head.
"In my heart there's plenty of room
For all the pain you've started
To sprout up and begin to bloom"

I like those lines--not the thought behind them, but the flow of the lines themselves. Because of how much I like them, I revised them today into something I like even more.
"In my heart there's plenty of room
For all the love you've planted
To sprout up and begin to bloom"

Today I shared on Facebook that I have been revisiting and processing some of the painful and lonely things I've been through in the past few years. I can do this because I'm in a stable place of love and joy now. I have learned how to love on people and let them love me back. I've learned to focus on what I am blessed with in life rather than what I lack. I've learned that laughter and the deliberate decision to focus on things that bring me joy rather than on dwelling in my pain can be the best medicine to heal my heart and mind. I've learned that joyfulness is a chosen state of being.

If I could go back and share these things with 19 year old me, I would. I would tell 19 year old me that, even if I feel like I'm "living on the dark side of the moon," I'm not living in pitch blackness--I'm living beneath a gorgeous sky full of stars. In other words, even if I'm in pain and struggle with depression, the love and blessings that surround me far out number the things that hurt. Knowing how I was at 19 (and how stubborn I am in general!), I would probably just wave it off and do things my way, and that's okay. What matters is that I'm here now. And I'm definitely soaking up the light and beauty of all these stars. :)

Heart Tantrums and Brain Conundrums...

There are times when I long for what I can't have. I'm not referring to the type of longing I have for my dream car--which, by the way, is a 2012 Dodge Challenger R/T model, satin black paint exterior with custom wine colored velvet interior seating... yeah, its super hot... okay, back to what I was talking about to begin with. This longing is a matter specifically of the heart. Lately, I've been finding my heart throwing little tantrums now and then because it can't--for multiple reasons--be in a romantic relationship with someone else's heart. I don't know if I'm the only one with this problem (though I doubt that I am), but I am getting pretty tired of this tug-o-war process between my logic and sentiment. I am generally a "heart over head" person (meaning that I usually make decisions based on my emotions over my logic). Because of this, I am having a particularly difficult time convincing my silly heart that it is in the wrong due to the facts that using reason to override emotion doesn't work very often for me and it can be an emotionally taxing process.
All these various feelings have stirred up some questions I've had going through my head the past couple of years. As a graduate student, a photographer-business woman, a community volunteer, and a person with responsibilities to friends and family, how am I ever going to have the time for a real "love life?"  I know people say "when it is supposed to happen, it will just happen," but what if I'm too busy to notice it happening? LOL. I laugh at that worry, but I'm being serious too. Knowing me (this is my heart talking now, ignore any sudden hissy fits!), I could just completely talk myself out of pursuing a romantic connection with someone with the logic that I (or that other person) don't have time--that focusing on school and career is the priority right now. What if I talk myself out of taking a risk that could lead to a really joyful, loving relationship? And why on earth do I see romance and grad school/career as mutually exclusive? There has to be a happy medium somewhere. There really does. And I really do need to find it. If I was a person who could just focus solely on my scholastic or entrepreneurial endeavors, I would do it in a heart beat! But clearly that isn't working for me... My brain desires my full attention to be directed toward these efforts, but I'm a "heart over head" person, right? While I am admittedly a history nerd and bibliophile, my books aren't going to love me back (haha!). I need affection... and love... and SNUGGLES! (Brain: OK, Heart... you can shut up now!) All and all, I think I feel like this:

Hahahaha! Anyway, this blog post, as with my conundrum, has no official conclusion--no thesis that has been proven. I haven't answered my questions and I don't think I will anytime soon. I just needed to write it all out of my system, I guess.

In Times of Change: The Wilderness

Sometimes God takes me through a wilderness. I find myself in a wilderness now. It isn't a terribly painful wilderness like previous trips have been, but it is a lonely one. I started thinking about how many people I know who are going through their own wildernesses spiritually and emotionally. Suddenly, I realized that, while the wilderness can be lonely, I am far from alone. Aside from Christ walking beside me, I have many brothers and sisters in Him who are walking through this wilderness too. We're not necessarily walking together all the time, but sometimes we stop and lean on each other or yell an encouragement to each other when we come across each other in the Desert of Change and Healing.
Two summers ago I went through a wilderness much more severe than this one. I was leaving APU and striking out on my own in the O.C. On top of that, my family was going through some very tough times and I was healing from a romance that ended painfully. That summer was stressful. That summer was lonely. But that summer, God gave me a gift. One day after work, I walked into the prayer chapel at Azusa Pacific to pray and listen for God's voice. In the big bible that was left open for students to use and write notes in, I turned to Isaiah 55. I didn't know what was in that chapter, so I feel that God directed me there. Verses 8 through 13 really stood out to me. This is what it says:

Isaiah 55:8-13
New American Standard Bible (NASB)


8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.
9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
11 So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.
12 “For you will go out with joy
And be led forth with peace;
The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you,
And all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
13 “Instead of the thorn bush the cypress will come up,
And instead of the nettle the myrtle will come up,
And [a] it will be a [b] memorial to the LORD,
For an everlasting sign which will not be cut off.”

Footnotes:

1. Isaiah 55:13 I.e. the transformation of the desert
2. Isaiah 55:13 Lit name

WOW! Did you get that? There is SO much packed in there! First, God reminded me that HE was in control and that HE had a plan. He very clearly told me, just as He told Israel, that He did not send things out without letting them prosper! There is NO sowing without a harvest when it comes to His work and His plan for us! On top of that, God EXCLAIMED that He would send me where He wanted me with joy and peace in my heart! It was a promise. Lastly, when I re-examined this verse tonight, I learned something new. Did you see footnote a? "And [the transformation of the desert] will be [named] a memorial to the Lord!" The transformation of my desert? Of my wilderness? You can use that for your glory, God?
YES! He can. He does. And He will. Praise the LORD!

Let Me Be

Where I am now spiritually and emotionally... Broken and lonely, but trusting God to heal and fill the emptiness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LET ME BE

Here I am again
Sitting here all alone
He won’t look my way
He won’t pick up the phone
And it breaks my heart
To have lost such a friend
These things crumble apart in the end

Yet I know that the reasons I’m here
Are for all the right reasons
You’ve made that much clear
And Lord, as you pick up the pieces of me
I hear you suggest that I should let me be
Lonely

Starting over
Isn’t easy at all
All the noise in life
Seeps through these walls
My thoughts churn
And frustration begins
Over all of this clatter within

Yet I know that the reasons I’m here
Are for all the right reasons
You’ve made that much clear
And Father, as we commune in private
I hear you suggest that I should let me be
Quiet

There is healing here
Though I’ve yet to learn why
All my questions
Lord, I don’t mean to pry
I know that I must trust in your plan
Though I confess to not understand

Yet I know that the reasons I’m here
Are for all the right reasons
You’ve made that much clear
And Lord, as you repair this heart that you’ve woven
I hear you suggest that I should let me be
Broken


Copyright DAS, 2011

Le Coquelicot

I just opened up a store online at Etsy.com! I've recently begun designing jewelry and accessories. Check out my store! :)  ~Le Coquelicot~ Creations by Dani



My recent creations have been the newly popular bib necklaces! Below are three that I have made thus far.  :)

 Champagne Victorian

Magnificent Monochrome

Vintage Buttons and Lace

OC Experiences...

Apparently driving in the OC can be quite dangerous even just on side streets... Not because of cars, but because of huge tumbleweeds. Name of the cross street where I almost hit one? Hazard. Hahahahaha!

Driving through Garden Grove on the same trip home, I came across a church called Orange Korean Lutheran Church. I cracked up laughing! How incredibly exclusive! Why must one be Lutheran, Korean, AND orange to attend? ;) hahaha

Historically Brunette...

My Legally Blonde moment today, which I have renamed for the title of the blog... I feel like I should get big kudos for giving such a air head, yet intelligent answer... hahaha.

Class discussion board question: The last few weeks, we have discussed and argued what exactly is modernism. This week, we begin to read about post-modernism, and I feel I am just as confused as before. Powell gives a brief definition of what is modernism and how it is different from post-modernism. Can we agree that this is an acceptable definition or is there still something missing? Feel free to discuss any questions or ideas about post-modernism.

My answer: Today I was walking around in the mall and thinking about all the stores I like to shop in when I realized something. I have several different styles that I enjoy: artsy/bohemian, professional dress, casual prep, even some punk and goth! I actually thought to myself, "There's not a specific definition of style to how I dress. I'm just a post-modern woman!" I think this realization made me understand a bit more about what Powell was saying in the book about the lack of structure in post-modernism and particularly about the idea of appreciating the process of art as much or more than the final product of the artist's efforts. Obviously I'm not saying that post-modernism is like my shopping habits (haha), but I think the eclecticism and the elasticity of the concept of post-modernism came through to me a bit better through my trip to the mall.
I think for myself I see some big differences between modernism and post-modernism, but these are more from an art and literary point of view. It seems to me that with post-modernism, it is so fluid that almost anything goes. I am a little confused on how this directly applies to history. Does anything go as far has historical theory is concerned? It doesn't seem the case to me.

Saturday Sabbath Keeping Inter-Denominational?

While the ice cream truck is wandering through the neighborhood playing Silent Night (in October!) and a lovely little breeze is wafting in through my window, I have been pondering over a few things and decided to blog about them. Over the last couple of years or so I have been having some trouble "defining" my doctrinal beliefs. I'm still doing some soul searching, Biblical research, and praying, but so far I've realized that I don't fit into a denomination. Obviously, I believe in the common Christian dogma as stated in the Nicene Creed. Aside from that, a lot of my beliefs were shaped from my Adventist up bringing... so basically I have decided that (though I am still having some trouble with the creation debates and am praying and studying on them) I agree with SDA beliefs with some exceptions (which I think might make me non-SDA, but I'm not sure... lol!). Here is how I explained it in an e-mail to an SDA friend of mine:

For starters, I love my Saturday Sabbath, but I'm not willing to argue with another Christian brother or sister because they go to church on Sunday. As much as I personally believe Saturday is the Sabbath, I think the most important thing is that a person is keeping a day set aside to spend with the Lord. I certainly don't believe it is a salvation issue. My non-SDA friends often ask me about why I go on Saturday rather than Sunday and I really don't mind explaining it to them, it's just not something I'm willing to argue about. I'm also not willing to argue about the state of the dead issue. As long as someone doesn't believe a dead person can look down upon us or communicate with us from heaven, I don't really think it's a big deal whether we "sleep" in the ground or go straight to heaven. I believe the traditional SDA way, but either way the first thing a person would see is Christ, so I'm not really worried about that either. The biggest thing God has put on my heart is the division between denominations. It breaks my heart and I think it breaks His as well. I feel it is my personal Christian calling to try to do my part to pull back the scattered Body of Christ into something a little more resembling a whole. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do that yet or how big or little a part that will be in my life, but I know that arguing about non-dogma issues is certainly not the way to do it!

The things I think I have the most issues with have to do with the Remnant, Ellen White, and the 2300 day concept from 1844. First the Remnant... I think it is fine to believe that many Christians will go astray towards the end of time. What I have a problem with is the prevalent SDA idea that the Adventist church IS the Remnant. Even though it is not within the 28 Fundamental Beliefs, you won't believe just how many SDAs I've heard refer to the SDA church as the Remnant. I won't even bother to apologize for the fact that I think that is b.s. I don't think SDAs are not part of the Remnant. I just think that Remnant will certainly include other brothers and sisters in Christ as well. Secondly, I think Ellen G. White had many wonderful things to say and I do believe she was inspired by the Holy Spirit. However, I do not agree with the common (though, again, not found within the Fundamental Beliefs) conception that her writings are inerrant. I also hold issue with the over use of her writings. While she was obviously a very important person in the founding of the denomination, I find it upsetting when her words are often used, by lay persons and even some pastors, over biblical texts (or consistently right along side it). I think she would be appalled by how her writings are used by most SDAs. I also think the SDA church should bring in other Christian patriarchs and theologians when preaching and participating in Bible studies for a more rounded view (I mean, it's not like Christianity isn't almost 2000 years old! lol). Finally, I take issue with the concept of the 2300 prophetic days and 1844. This one is part of the 28 Fundamental Beliefs. I don't believe that through some amazing math, someone somehow came up with the magical number of 2300 after weeding through the Bible for significant number and that 1844 marked a specific time when Christ moved in to the Holy Sanctuary. The entire idea is pure speculation. I sort of feel how my brother does about the whole thing... Christ didn't come back as they predicted in 1844, so they had to come up with something else!

So that is pretty much it... I recently started calling myself a Saturday Sabbath-Keeping Inter-denominational. I love rock praise music, contemporary style (and I even raise my hands!), along with hymns and liturgy. There isn't a specific style that defines me. Oh, and I'm probably damned to hell because I like half a glass of Sauvignon Blanc with dinner a couple times a year. Hahaha.... See? I'm the anti-Christ and you probably shouldn't associate with me. LOL! ;)

Romance and Mended Hearts...

My roommates have been watching a lot of romance movies lately... I'm well known to generally detest romance films. However, I have to admit that I have enjoyed a couple... Its shocking to me more than anyone I think, which has led me to come to terms with the truth about myself...
So here is the thing... I'm secretly a romantic. Not the mushy candlelight dinner or Cinderella story romantic... I'm a romantic realist and sometimes a romantic skeptic. The problem is that I believe in this thing called love and am sick of all the stupid candy hearts, feigned chivalry, and the cliche dozen roses. I believe in really loving someone for who he or she is, despite the messy stuff and the complications. I don't believe in what is so commonly termed today as "true love". I believe in GENUINE love... a love that is anything BUT blind, yet is 100% sincere, altruistic, fiercely loyal, and utterly honest. Romance to me is my grandparents still being in love with each other after 51 years of marriage... THAT is romantic.
I've been hurt deeply and more than once, but the truth is that deep inside I am a little bit of an optimist when it comes to love and romantic relationships... I believe that genuine love can heal and mend brokenness... I believe that genuine love can do this for my heart. I have to. It gives me hope. God's love does this healing and mending, but He often uses people around us to aid in this process.
I found this illustration drawn by Sarah Wade. I liked it because, unlike a lot of broken heart images I see, the heart wasn't just sewn up once or didn't only have one Bandaid on it... it has been broken many times, but is in the process of healing... Healing occurs with genuine love. So you see, I'm not a hopeless romantic... I'm a hopeFUL romantic. I hope. I believe. I long for GENUINE LOVE.
This song below is one of my new favourites... It expresses my romantic side completely.

SUMMERBREEZE- Emiliana Torrini

It might have been a while
Since you've been loved
Like you should be loved

It might have been a while
Since you've been kissed
Like you should be kissed

And tender loving arms
Might be something you miss

Well summerbreeze is blowing through your window
And summerbreeze is blowing through your hair
And something in your eyes that you cannot disguise
Don't tell me it ain't there

It might have been a while
Since you've been loved
By one who really loves you

It might have been a while
Since you could trust
That someone really cares

When people like us
Meant to go 'round in pairs

Summerbreeze is blowing through your window
And summerbreeze is blowing through your hair
Something in your eyes that took me by surprise
Don't tell me that it ain't there

What People Will Wear in the Name of Tradition!

Kentucky Derby Hats... that in itself is nearly enough said. Haha! In a few moments of boredom yesterday, I searched through Google images looking for the most ridiculous, ostentatious, and flashy hats I could find. Here are a few of my favourites! :)

The French Do It Better!

Just one more reason why I LOVE France! Hahaha! Seriously though... Whenever my dear friend Meredith and I would go over to our host family's home to have lunch or dinner, we had to be prepared to sit down, eat, and have conversation for over two hours. It was fantastic! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sleeping and eating - the French do it best
By Sophie Hardach Sophie Hardach – Mon May 4, 7:37 am ET

PARIS (Reuters) – True to their reputation as leisure-loving gourmets, the French spend more time sleeping and eating than anyone else among the world's wealthy nations, according to a study published Monday.

The average French person sleeps almost nine hours every night, more than an hour longer than the average Japanese and Korean, who sleep the least in a survey of 18 members of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD).

Despite their siesta habit, Spaniards rank only third in the poll after Americans, who sleep more than 8.5 hours.

And while more and more French people grab a bite at fast-food chains these days or wolf down a sandwich at their desk, they still spend more than two hours a day eating.

That means their meals are twice as long as those of the average Mexican, who dedicates just over an hour a day to food, the OECD's "Society at a Glance" report on work, health and leisure in Asia, Europe and North and South America found.

The Japanese, scrimping on sleep and burdened with long commutes and working hours, still manage to spend close to two hours a day eating and drinking, placing them third behind New Zealanders.

The Japanese like to spend what remains of their scarce free time watching television or listening to the radio. This takes up 47 percent of leisure time in Japan.

Turks, on the other hand, spend more than a third of their leisure time entertaining friends.

The survey showed that the split between work and leisure time within certain countries is striking.

"Italian men have nearly 80 minutes a day of leisure more than women. Much of the additional work of Italian women is apparently spent cleaning the house," the OECD said in a statement.

The OECD has 30 members. The survey covers only the countries for which appropriate figures were available.

(Editing by Robert Woodward)

Don't Tell Me

Don't call me gorgeous
Don't say I'm perfect
Don't tell me you love me

I know deep down its all a lie
But sometimes I'm so foolish
I may forget and believe you

Don't call me gorgeous
Don't say I'm perfect
Don't tell me you love me

It never lasts
You'll always change

Tell me the truth
I'm the one on your mind
For today
I'm the one you'll use to feel good
For today

So don't call me gorgeous
Don't say I'm perfect
Don't tell me you love me

But if this isn't the case
If you really feel something
Please, I beg you...
Simply stay with me
Don't speak a word at all

DAS
4/17/09

Bridges and Propriety

I realized yesterday that there are merely three weeks left until commencement, in which I will walk across a stage before a sea of eyes, shake hands with the president of my university, and receive (at least in theory) my degree: a Bachelor of Arts in English with an emphasis in literature and a Bachelor of Arts in history. With that in mind, I sat down this evening pouring over invitations and envelopes trying to figure out the best way to word names and addresses. I realized there is a ridiculous amount of decorum that goes into sending an invitation. First, there are two envelopes. The invitation goes into the smaller one. The small envelope is then labeled with the informal names of the person(s) or left blank. It is then placed into a larger envelope facing so that the informal name is facing the flap side of the large envelope. Then the larger envelope is addressed quite formally such as "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith". None of the words in the address itself may be abbreviated (thankfully, taking French helped me remember how to spell "boulevard"). Whew! I'm sure I'm missing something, but that is about as fancy as I am going to get.
I'm incredibly busy trying to get everything together and ready to leave APU. I find myself with a similar feeling to how I felt when I graduated high school and was preparing to move out of home, or how I felt when I left France after I had studied there for a semester... ready to move on, but not ready all at the same time. See, I know that this is a different event from high school graduation in the fact that I didn't have to be completely out on my own and be a full fledged adult, or different from when I left L'Abbaye de Pontlevoy because I knew what to expect once I got back home. Still, the feeling is similar. It is as if I am crossing a rickety wooden bridge that holds up just long enough for me to go over to the opposite side, but won't let me go back. Yes, I'm being nostalgic, but it really is true. Right now I'm coming up to that bridge and stepping on the first rotting old board. The trouble is, I can't see where that bridge is taking me this time... I honestly have no idea where I am going to be six months from now--where I'm going to be living, what I'll be doing for work, or how I'll pay my bills. It's nerve racking to say the least. People say to me (and I say to myself), "Dani this is a fantastic time to just completely trust the Lord and let him surprise you!" Well, I'm trying very hard to trust Him, but I really would rather like a hint. I would at least like to see the other side of the bridge I'm stepping onto!

Childhood Memories Revisited

I was elated today when I was finally able to find a video clip of the old PBS math show Square One on YouTube today! I never watched for the math, of course... LOL... I only watched because there was a specific sketch that I enjoyed called "Mathnet," which was set up like a mystery/detective story. Agents Monday and Friday were always on some case and I loved to watch to see it resolved. I watched it when I was about 7 or 8, but even at a young age I loved detective stories and a good mystery. I've embedded the clips of the Square One theme song and also a "Mathnet" sketch. ;)



Another show that involved a deal of detecting and "investigative" work was "Where In the World Is Carmen Sandiego?" I watched this between the ages of about 8 and 11. My parents bought the different games for our family PC and I practiced my detecting skills while learning my geography (a much easier area for me than math!) and about different cultures. The rain reminded me of the show because I wore a trench coat. Any young person of my generation who ever watched the show or played the computer game knows that Carmen Sandiego always wears a trench coat (although mine is khaki and hers is red). LOL...

Otto Von Bismarck and His Namesake City...

Alright, so this blog really has absolutely nothing to do with 19th century German Chancellor Otto Von Bismark with the exception that I am talking about the capitol of North Dakota which was named in his honour. This evening on Channel 7 ABC News, the weatherman showed the "weather map" on the screen. I couldn't help but notice the temperature in Bismarck, ND, which happened to be 9 degrees.... NINE! Last week, a city in ND was 22 degrees BELOW zero!
These observations have led me to ask the important question:
WHY WOULD ANYONE LIVE IN NORTH DAKOTA?!
Perhaps only rich people should live there so they could live there in the summer and come south in the winter... "Dakota Geese", we could call them... I think this is a very crucial question that people need to think over... LOL....

Things Better Left Unsaid...

You know, I often think things in my head that I would never want to get out to the people I was actually thinking those thoughts about! Still, sometimes I wish it wasn't so bad to say some of those things... I've especially been wanting to let loose a few questions at work to some of my peers (and some of their parents, with whom I deal) which, in certain circumstances, would probably be perfectly fine questions, but would be considered rather offensive coming from a person of my position and in my work environment. Here are some examples of the questions I have to fight to NOT ask from time to time (some more than others).
1) Can you read?
2) Do you understand the words I am saying?
3) Have you ever suffered some sort of brain trauma?
4) Have you ever successfully completed any portion of your life without your parents' pulling strings for you? OR (if talking to parent) Are you re-living your life through your child?
5) Have you ever had to repeat your elementary education before you came to our institution? If so, how many times?
6) Do you consider yourself a Christian?

These are all things I would really LOVE to say sometimes, in response to the attitudes I receive at work as well.
1) I am nearly 24 years old, so please do not speak to me like a child, ma'am/sir!
2) You are speaking to an adult.
3) You can't get everything you want in life. Get over it.
4) That's great that you're paying out the nose for your child's education. I'll be paying for mine the rest of my life. So I think I win in that competition and I'm not complaining.
5) You call yourself a Christian, so maybe you should pray and get your attitude in order and call me back later. Then I'll be glad to help you!

::sigh:: It's a bit sad that I can't be the one to give these people a wake up call... It's okay, though, I guess. Even if I can't help them realize what dingbats and jerks they can be, I'm still growing because it takes tons of patience and prayer to hold my tongue sometimes! hahaha!