All These Stars...

Going through some of my old poetry today, I stumbled upon a poem I wrote back in November of 2004 titled "Dark Side of the Moon." I being 19 at the time, most of my poetry was written about one of two things--struggling with clinical depression and/or a guy. This one poem was bit about both and I ended the last verse with the idea that I was "living on the dark side of the moon." It isn't a very good poem, but there are three lines that stick with me and occasionally pop into my head.
"In my heart there's plenty of room
For all the pain you've started
To sprout up and begin to bloom"

I like those lines--not the thought behind them, but the flow of the lines themselves. Because of how much I like them, I revised them today into something I like even more.
"In my heart there's plenty of room
For all the love you've planted
To sprout up and begin to bloom"

Today I shared on Facebook that I have been revisiting and processing some of the painful and lonely things I've been through in the past few years. I can do this because I'm in a stable place of love and joy now. I have learned how to love on people and let them love me back. I've learned to focus on what I am blessed with in life rather than what I lack. I've learned that laughter and the deliberate decision to focus on things that bring me joy rather than on dwelling in my pain can be the best medicine to heal my heart and mind. I've learned that joyfulness is a chosen state of being.

If I could go back and share these things with 19 year old me, I would. I would tell 19 year old me that, even if I feel like I'm "living on the dark side of the moon," I'm not living in pitch blackness--I'm living beneath a gorgeous sky full of stars. In other words, even if I'm in pain and struggle with depression, the love and blessings that surround me far out number the things that hurt. Knowing how I was at 19 (and how stubborn I am in general!), I would probably just wave it off and do things my way, and that's okay. What matters is that I'm here now. And I'm definitely soaking up the light and beauty of all these stars. :)